Lin did episodes 3 -6 of the franchise but missed out on 7, 8 and 8 ½ (Hobbes and Shaw) or as I prefer to think of them, the good ones. These were the films that turned the franchise from a petrolhead fantasy into a super-spy saga. They were Bond movies for the new millennium with action, adventure, and a sense of over-the-top fun. Much of this came from ‘new boys’ Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham who are both missing here, and it shows.
Fast & Furious 9 is like a Bond film, to be sure, unfortunately it’s one of the later embarrassing Roger Moore ones.
It has one of the clunkiest scripts I’ve ever heard; I get that no one comes to these films for the nuance, but the opening sequence of this film is sheer torture. It’s Exposition City as no thought goes unexpressed in an attempt to set up an origin story for the Toretto boys – yes, there’s more than just mopey old Dom.
Lin is operating on the spaghetti formula. There is lots being thrown at the wall; very little sticks and the film is generally undercooked.
The Toretto origin story is the backdrop for a series of random action sequences structured to fit in guest stars; everybody who has ever appeared in this film – bar Luke Evans – is shoehorned into a story about a super weapon called Ares, which can control all the tech in the world.
The film uses the Ian Fleming ‘thrilling cities’ model jumping around from Tbilisi, Edinburgh, Tokyo, and the Caspian Sea, to name a few, but thrilling cities are not that thrilling when you can’t go anywhere.
For me these films work best when Vin Diesel and his ponderous utterances about family are side-lined. Unfortunately, Vin is at the heart of it and this time he has a brother. Vin rumbles on about family while Michelle Rodriguez just looks grateful to be outside.
The complicated plot requires Diesel to run the full gamut of his emotional range – sullen, angry, and confused – sometimes all at once, like a talking crash test dummy. John Cena as his brother reminds you he’s the man you get when Dwayne Johnson is busy.
Overall, the film lacks zest, the storytelling is poor and the effects, physical and CG, are a little uneven but not as uneven as the transitions between scenes. There are three editors credited on this and it looks like they each brought their own blunt instrument.
There are one or two good moments. Ludacris and Tyrese Gibson have a neat comedy rapport, and there’s a clever stunt with electromagnets which is ultimately overdone. Despite these moments the film is generally incoherent and broadly humourless, not to mention overstaying its welcome at two and a half hours long.
Just in case you feel like burning rubber to get out of the cinema – which would be perfectly understandable – I feel obliged to point out there is a mid-credits sequence that offers some hope for the future.
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