Dwayne is fast, Charlize is furious...Vin's just dull.

Dwayne Johnson and the F&F crew

The definition of a movie star, according to William Goldman, is someone whose name can fill in the blank in the following sentence. ‘Hey, let’s throw the kids in the car and go to the movies the new ‘blank’ film opens today’. There is no doubt that these days Dwayne Johnson’s name fits comfortably into that sentence.

The former WWE titan known as The Rock may have the least starry name ever but he’s a huge attraction and, more important, he knows what is required of him. To put it bluntly, he is a brand and he knows it. Therefore, he will do all he can to promote his brand values. Johnson is an enormously likable screen presence with a huge amount of charisma; his star power glows at a pretty high wattage and audiences love him for it. Importantly, while he is also doing all of this, he has no qualms about sending himself up as in last year’s Central Intelligence. He gives the impression of being the luckiest guy alive and having the time of his life.

It’s no coincidence that the addition of Johnson to the moribund Fast and Furious franchise in its fifth outing rebooted it into the box office behemoth it has become. Throwing Jason Statham into the mix for the following movie only added to the success.

Now we have Fast and Furious 8 which, like all the other titles in the franchise, has had a meticulously orchestrated publicity campaign. That’s why it was so surprising, towards the end of shooting, to see a Twitter storm surround Johnson who criticised one of his other stars – later identified as Vin Diesel – on social media. The nub and the gist of the argument was that Johnson and the rest of the cast were doing all the heavy lifting while Diesel was behaving like, to quote Johnson, ‘a candy ass’. It was a shock to see one star criticise another, but especially in the light of Johnson’s good guy persona.

Although Diesel has his name above the door in this franchise, the star dynamic is becoming increasingly lop-sided. If you want to judge the merits of their relative careers look at their box offices; Johnson is a guaranteed hit maker whereas Diesel can’t open a picture unless he’s in a fast car. In fact, I rather suspect in his case, the car’s the star.

Diesel has been in all but one of the F&F movies but he is increasingly the weak link. While Johnson, Statham, and the rest of the crew look like they are having the time of their lives Diesel comes off like Eeyore with a V8.

Everyone else is playing panto and Vin looks like he’s trying to play Hamlet. This would be okay if he wasn’t such a monotonously dull actor. You know he is emoting because he either SHOUTS VERY LOUDLY or mumbles very quietly. He has all the charm and personality of a house brick. It falls to Diesel to go on about the values of family and deliver the endless eulogies to the late Paul Walker which have become a disturbing trope of this series. Meanwhile everyone else has fun.

It’s no coincidence surely that buzz-killing Vin is shunted off screen early doors. Guest villain Charlize Theron, as a super hacker, turns him against the crew thanks to a bit of emotional blackmail. That means he does his stuff solo while the rest create mayhem, effectively turning him into a guest star in his own franchise.

The plot, such as it is, involves Theron stealing some nuclear missiles and the sub they come in which, if nothing else, gives rise to the most flat-out absurd chase sequence as the F&F crew and their souped-up vehicles are pursued by the aforementioned submarine across the frozen wastes.

As a set piece it works well, as does a New York chase sequence which will make you very suspicious of your car if it has an auto drive function. The most fun however comes in a final nod to John Woo and Hard Boiled in which Statham, complete with a baby in a baby-carrier, creates havoc on Theron’s spy plane.

Then of course Diesel has to come back and suck the life out of everything. Him aside Fast and Furious 8 is a fun movie; there are neat guest spots from Theron and Kurt Russell, Helen Mirren does her Pat Butcher impression, and newcomer Scott Eastwood looks uncannily like his father in his younger days. It does exactly what it says on the tin.

The only concern about the end of the film – apart from the fact that the plot is left completely unresolved, is the fear that Dwayne Johnson may not be back for the next one. Hopefully this is no more than a cunning ruse otherwise we are left with emo-Vin which doesn’t bear thinking about.